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As the New Year approaches, I sit with myself in steady reflection. From this space, I gather reminders, lessons, and ideas to continue to integrate into my life moving forward. I am grateful for the perspective that hindsight offers. So often, we are handed gifts that appear before us as uncertainty, weight, fracture or impossibility. I have compiled a list of 32 transformations I have witnessed and experienced in my humanness this year. I share with you now in these simple sentences, the essence of my torn pieces turned tender and teeming tidbits unfolding towards forthcoming grand beginnings that the vast space of a new tomorrow offers. Be gentle with them, and with yourself, as you continue to uncover the presence within your own torn and tender pieces.
// I believe in and desire life partnership, companionship.
// It is important to always be honest and true to myself and move accordingly, even when, and especially if, it feels difficult to do so.
// Discomfort doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong; it can mean that I am growing, changing, expanding or learning.
// It is necessary to rest with the grief of having to let go of something or someone that I loved, believed in, and wanted.
// Our ideals and expectations for future circumstances lead to disappointment and suffering in a world where rarely does anything go according to ‘our plan.’
// I don’t have control, I have choice — and that is where my power lies. My power lies in my ability to choose and choose again.
// It’s okay if it doesn’t work out. It’s okay that it didn’t. Failure is a footstep on the path forward. A necessary component in my becoming. If I am brave enough to try, I will also have to be brave enough to fail.
// To truly honor my truth means to do so without demanding reason or logic first.
// Compassion is a healing balm for my becoming.
// I require patience, bone-deep understanding (from myself first and foremost), room to try and change my mind, grace for my imperfections, and the chance to begin again.
// I am on my way, just as I have always been.
// Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, no one gets through life completely on their own.
// Listen to the voice that says you suck, that you can’t do something, are not enough, are incapable, unworthy or doomed. Thank the voice for trying to protect you, tell it you’ve got it from here. Then go ahead and do it anyway.
// Everything I do is either from a place of Love or Fear. Both are so tightly intertwined with one another. I often wonder about how maybe even the things I do out of Fear, are in an effort to conserve Love. I will let it be my life’s work to learn how to decipher the difference with each conscious choice that I make.
// Tough times never last, only tough people do.
// Love does not equate to the necessary care that it requires to thrive.
// The absence of what I once knew contains the space to hold me in my unraveling and my becoming.
// Losing a best friend will leave a big heart shaped hole in the center of your being. It will also show you how to imagine a world in which you are loved like that again, a world in which you love like that again. That kind of fantasy is enough to keep you going with a head and heart full of hope to fill the empty space in the meantime.
// It is important to notice the vehicles that take you to more desirable places even when the vehicles themselves are not desirable.
// When it feels impossible, do it breath by breath. Moment by moment. Day by day.
// Before I create an entire story about feeling badly, I must first ask myself: Am I drinking enough water? Am I eating nourishing foods? Am I sleeping enough? Am I moving my body? Am I breathing fresh air? When was the last time I hugged a tree? When was the last time I was licked by a dog?
// Everyone is hurting somewhere.
// Actually, life is beautiful and I do have the time.
// It’s unfair to oneself to conclude that an undesired or difficult outcome is a setback rather than an invitation.
// What hurts me today is quite possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me as it is not only necessary to my development as a character in the story, but also has the potency to lead me on the path towards some of the best days, moments, realizations, feelings, and experiences of my life.
// Not everyone will see me, I surround myself with those who do.
// I love people for who they are, not for who I want them to be.
// Change is the only constant in this life, even when everything feels like it stays the same. This helps me to be more present with my present moment, regardless of how joyful or dreadful the Now moment may seem — the gift that it gives, is its own impermanence.
// People show you who they are, I listen to them when they do.
// The only difference between those who prevail and those who do not, is that those who do — continue, despite.
// The Universe doesn’t say no. It says: Wait. Not yet. Or, I have something better for you.
// I was made to love and be loved.
In hindsight & looking out into the horizon,
Pau
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