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What about endings? I want to create some intentional space for that here. I think, really, just like rest is productive, so is death. One of the many reasons I admire Winter is for the example that it offers us. It’s not easy to let go of all of your leaves. It’s an arduous task to stand naked in the cold, patiently.
But there is something to be said about making room.
I think that to begin we must first come to sit with our end. Here we can begin to take stock of what works and what doesn’t. What we want to take with us and what we will leave behind. What are you willing to get rid of? What are you willing to dissolve into the earth to make room for new life?
I find the New Year to be quite an arbitrary date, and while I resonate with Spring as a new beginning far more than I do January 1st, there is something to be said about the collective energy that is present and felt around this time.
This newsletter comes at a time when I find myself ready for the end. With that being said, I don’t want to let the remaining December days pass me by and suddenly wake in January. Instead, I want to be an active leader in its transition. For me, that looks like taking my life seriously, listening to the parts of myself that tell me it is time for some excavation and evaluation.
I am excited to announce that this week’s newsletter is an interactive reflection guide. Grab a journal and pen. We will make room for the new together. The focus is on subtraction. We must subtract. Subtraction is our friend. It is here, in the letting go, letting die, removing, and deteriorating — that we can make the necessary room to receive our heart’s calling. It will require honesty and cojones. All truly worthwhile and long lasting things do. So let’s get to it, yes?
Unearthing
Here, I invite you to take a reflective standpoint. Observe your inner and outer world. Remove yourself from the picture and peer into the space that your life requires. From this point of view, you will be able to see your whos, whats and whys from a more objective place. How far does your world extend? What fills it? Close your eyes for a minute if you must. Survey the landscape of your life. Your mornings. Bedside table. Lunch break. Early evenings. Weekends. Holidays. Workspace. Most commonly visited places. Nooks. Crannies. In betweens. Routines. Autopilot manual. Backseat. Cravings. Dinner table. Most frequently visited thoughts. All of it. Take a walk in your world, take a walk in your mind.
Ask yourself the following questions and take inventory of your answers:
1. Who do I spend the majority of my time with?
2. How do I spend the majority of my time?
3. What environments do I find myself in most often?
4. What am I most fixated on right now?
5. What requires most of my time?
6. What requires most of my attention, energy, and focus?
7. What do I really want?
8. What am I afraid of?
As you reflect on your answers to these questions, notice how they make you feel. What ideas do they conjure? What sensations in the body are most obvious to you? Sit here for a moment. Find the rhythm of your breath within your answers. Once you’ve done this, we can move onto what’s next.
Evaluation of Things Alive in Your World
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
Maya Angelou
Now it is time to get real. I invite you to approach these questions with the utmost amount of honesty that you are able. From this place, you will find real solutions to your perceived problems or impediments. You will learn where your power truly lies.
Ask yourself the following questions in response to your above answers, be fierce. Take note of them:
1. How do I feel when I am with xyz? If you spend most of your time with yourself, how do you feel when you are alone?
2. Why do I spend the majority of my time doing xyz? How do I feel afterwards?
3. How does this environment(s) make me feel?
4. Why am I fixated on this?
5. Why does this require most of my time?
6. Why does this require most of my attention, energy, and focus?
7. Why do I really want it?
8. Why am I afraid of this?
From this place of vulnerability with yourself, invite integrity in. Perhaps you notice a few things you want to keep, change or let go of. If you wish to keep it, let it be something that works alongside you towards what you really want in this life. If you wish to change it, let it be the door to an opportunity for a solution or a change in perspective. If you wish to let go of something, get real about why, and move accordingly. Remember, subtraction is your friend.
Maybe you choose to keep your circle of friends, who empower you, uplift you, inspire you and remind you of your greatness. Maybe you choose to change your fixation on a specific fear to your confidence in your ability to overcome it. Maybe you choose to let go of your unhealthy relationship with control, because you value peace more.
You get to choose.
What are three things that you will keep, why?
1. (example: I want to continue to work at the cafe 3x a week because it helps me focus on my project)
2. (example: I want to continue to spend a lot of time with myself because it allows me to recharge and feel rested)
3. (example: I want to keep my focus, attention and energy towards my project because it's something that I believe in, challenges me and excites me)
What are three things that you will change, why?
1. (example: I want to change my fixation on ‘choosing correctly’ because it is creating inaction and I think it's more important to create movement in my life, even if I have to pivot later, than to do nothing at all)
2. (example: I want to change who I spend my time with, because every time I hang out with them, I feel drained, exhausted and empty)
3. (example: I want to find a different way to spend my free time, because doom scrolling numbs me out, creates room for self comparison and criticism, and I rather spend time with loved ones)
She Needs Wide Open Spaces
Wide-eyed and grinning, she never tired
But now she won't be coming back with the rest
If these are life's lessons, she'll take this test
She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
The Dixie Chicks
Your life is a moving train and you have arrived at your next stop. Who gets off at this stop? What gets off at this stop? Who and what do you let go of? What are you releasing, that each time you say it or think it, you become more weightless? It is time to be cut-throat. If it’s not a fuck yes, then by default, it’s a fuck no. You get to decide who and what rides with you to the next stop, but first, you have to get clear on who and what gets off the train at this stop.
Who and what gets off the Train of Your Life at this stop?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
Allow the abundant space that is left in your train to be an open ended invitation to all that you wish to see, be, experience, feel, love and embody at your next stop. You have made the necessary room for it. Wide open spaces that you now get to fill.
Next, I want to invite you to your next stop. This is the Get In phase. This phase is inspired by the wonderful and one-and-only, Shira Erlichman. This is her poem, Somewhere Real. This poem is a gift. Read it twice (atleast) with care, and then we can move on.
Somewhere Real by Shira Erlichman
In this new phase, we will — with great intention, invite what will come with us into our new beginning. This can be an idea, word, phrase, smell, inside joke, experience, song, drink you love to hold in your hands, ritual, herb, etc. Stand on business and be ruthless. Be intentional. Be delusional if it means you get to leap towards a sincere dream you have for yourself.
Who and what will you take with you?
Get In
(example: get in
sarah’s 8 minute voice memo, saffron, ask for help, go to the sea, book club, chicken sausage, healthy boundaries, 10 hours of sleep, own a home, effervescent sense of worthiness, simmer pot, snow on lemon tree, Matilda, new friend, gluten free bakery, my own corner of the world, matcha,
Good, keep going.
Now that you can see yourself more clearly, it is time to take a closer look. If you are able to, find a mirror. I invite you to look into the mirror, and before you do, know that you must do so with great compassion and love for who you are. As you look, reflect on what this life has required of you to arrive at this point in time. See yourself with the tender acknowledgment that the journey is long, but that you are on your way.
You are peering into the eyes of your seven year old self, your seventeen year old self and your seventy year old self. I want you to speak to yourself like you would speak to them. I want you to observe what you see and sense in them.
When you are ready, choose three words to describe what you see. What did you notice when you truly saw yourself? Let these three words be undeniable truths about who you are. You will carry them with you as anchors from this moment forward. Nobody can take these truths away from you, because nothing real can be threatened. What are they?
I am
1. (example: courageous)
2. (example: warm)
3. (example: tenacious)
Close your eyes and visualize these words. What do they feel like? How do you embody them? See yourself being these three words. Let a movie play in your mind's eye. Then, shrink the visual into a tiny photograph in your mind. Put the picture in your pocket. When things feel impossible, reference this photo. What would a courageous, warm, and tenacious person do?
How would they move? What would they choose? How would they respond?
I love you. You are what you say you are, choose your words wisely. Change is possible for you. You deserve to enjoy a beautiful life. I am excited for you and what this new beginning will bring you. And remember, every moment can be a fresh start. It is never too late. You are on your way.
I sincerely hope this reflection guide serves you in some way.
Take care,
Pau Suárez Gomís
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This is as extraordinarily deep as it is wide. I found myself feeling as if swimming under water and being required to use broad strokes to get air. I love the thoughts it provokes and I will use this as my guide to write my way into the new year...Thank YOU Pau for leading this journey.